


A Brave Start to Something New

by Jinx13GXA



Series: PRIDE 2020 [3]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Badass cana alberona, But she doesn't know it yet, Cana is both jealous and and depressed, Cana struggles with self worth, Cana's insecurities, Dorks in Love, F/F, Fluff, Gildarts has no idea cana's his daughter, Gratsu is just mentioned again, Lucy and Natsu fake dated, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Tenroujima Arc, and it hurts her, badass juvia lockser, badass lucy heartfillia, breaking mental walls is hard, ftlgbtpride2020, lucy/juvia is implied to already be together, soft girls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24602401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinx13GXA/pseuds/Jinx13GXA
Summary: Cana is insecure about a lot of things, and it causes her to tear herself down a lot. So when the two girls that she sees as impossibly strong and out of her reach say they care about her, it breaks her walls down a lot faster than she can handle.AKA The moments Cana fell in love with her two badass girlfriends and had no idea she loves them because she thinks she's unworthy.
Relationships: Cana Alberona & Loke, Cana Alberona/Lucy Heartfilia/Juvia Lockser, Natsu Dragneel & Lucy Heartfilia, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster
Series: PRIDE 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775530
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29
Collections: I Take Pride in What I Am 2020





	A Brave Start to Something New

The day Loke left the guild, Cana had been distraught. Loke was one of her best friends, and for him to vanish without so much as a word to her about anything had shaken her. She’d spent the entire day trying to find him with no success, and after hearing that he was a celestial spirit and  _ dying _ of all things… let’s just say it didn’t put her mind at ease. 

When Lucy came back to the guild saying she found him, she’d feared the worst, but Lucy’s smile told another story. “I got the spirit king to revoke his decision and let Loke back into the spirit world!”    
  
The guild had erupted into cheering, but all Cana could think about was how Lucy had saved her best friend while she could do nothing to help him. The feelings that came with it weren’t jealousy, but rather inadequacy and discontent with her own abilities. 

\-------------

Freed’s smirk irked her. He’d locked her and Juvia in this stupid trap, while standing outside of it and watching them like animals in a cage.  _ I’m gonna punch that fucking smug ass look off your face- _

Juvia’s soft voice broke her out of her thoughts, “So this is how you forced the others to fight each other...One of us… has to be incompacitated to leave…” she squared her shoulders, preparing herself for what she was about to do.

“You’re a coward Freed!” Cana had never been more angry than in that moment. She didn’t want to hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it, least of all Juvia. “If it’s a one on one you wanted then I’ll kick your ass right now!”

Behind her, Juvia began to draw on her magic, “Very well then… If one of is defeated, the you’ll fight the other, right Freed-san?”

“I never break my rules, Juvia,” He responded. 

“Then there’s no other choice,” She said softly, completely resigned and sure of her plan. 

Cana whipped around to stare at her, half in shock and half to guard herself, “Juvia don’t! You’re just playing into his game-”

She didn’t listen to Cana as she turned her body into water and stretched into the sky, sight locked onto one of the thunder palace’s lacrimas. “If someone has to be wounded… then Juvia would rather it be herself!” A noise like thunder erupted as she destroyed the lacrima, and within seconds she was hit with a lightning bolt that ripped a scream from her lips. Cana ran towards her, trying to catch her before she hit the ground, but she missed, Juvia’s clothing just barely brushing her fingertips.

“Juvia! What were you thinking-” Cana’s voice cracked as she dropped to her knees beside her.

Tears welled up in Juvia’s eyes as she lied there and stared up at Cana. “Juvia… Juvia just wanted people to accept her… as a friend of Fairy Tail… Juvia loves everyone here.” She smiled softly, the tears falling both from pain and the emotional turmoil.

“You were already accepted! You were one of us from the moment you joined! You’re a fairy Tail wizard damn it!” 

Cana did her best to wipe the tears from her eyes, but hearing Juvia mumble about how happy she was over something so small as friendship only upset her more.  _ Who could hurt someone so selfless to the point that they think they have to get themselves hurt to have friends?  _

_ And how could I have been too weak  _ again _? _

\-------------

Gildarts had come back, and once again, she kept her mouth sealed shut. The word “coward” repeated itself in her head as she watched Natsu and Gray and Erza and everyone interact with Gildarts like he was their father. She didn’t have the words to explain the searing jealousy and sadness that attacked her heart every time she watched, so she drank and drank as she always did when he was here.

_ Just drink and say nothing, like the coward you are. _

\-------------

As amusing as watching Natsu and Gray tell stories to Gildarts was, Juvia found her attention drawn elsewhere. Cana was drinking at the bar, but it seemed to be stronger stuff than usual, and she seemed more detached. She hadn’t spoken to Cana since the battle of Fairy Tail, when the card mage had yelled at her for getting hurt so she didn’t have to. 

She quietly reached out and touched Lucy’s arm to get her attention, “Lucy-san-”

“-I know. I saw.” Lucy glanced at Cana and then back down at the table. “What do you think is wrong with her?”

Juvia watched as she drummed her fingers on the table and sipped her drink as she thought it over, “Well, Cana-san started drinking more when Gildarts-san showed up…”

Lucy hummed, considering it for a moment, “Yeah, but what could she have against Gildarts? Everyone seems to love him.” 

“Juvia thinks that’s why.”

Lucy’s eyebrows shot up questioningly, “Explain?”

“Gildarts-san hasn’t so much as looked at Cana-san. Juvia thinks there’s a reason that Cana-san wants Gildarts attention, but she can’t seem to get it for some reason. Or she doesn’t want to bring it up.” Juvia nodded to herself as is to affirm her observation. “Should we talk to her about it?”

Behind them there was a crash as a guild brawl started, and if any one else had been paying attention, they’d have noticed Cana slipping out amid the chaos. “Yes.”Lucy didn’t wait for a response as she grabbed Juvia’s hand and drug her along.

\-------------

Cana felt numb as she sat by the river, thoughts quickly spiraling downward. She pulled blades of grass from the ground one by one as she sipped down the whiskey she’d snagged from behind the counter when Mira cut her off.  _ Mira can yell at me later, I’m not interested in listening to it right now _ . 

Someone’s hand came down on her shoulder, and it startled her so bad that she jumped right into the river. “Cana-san?!” Cana only stared at her uncomprehending as Juvia commanded the water to place her back on the shore, then pulled it right out of her clothes. “Juvia didn’t mean to scare you, Cana-san…”

“It’s fine, Juvia,” Cana muttered once she managed to get her mouth working again. Juvia smiled softly and sat down next to her, and Cana’s negative thoughts reared up again.  _ She’s so much prettier than you, and her magic is better. Stronger. _

“Juvia hopes Cana-san doesn’t mind the company, but Cana-san looked sad,” her voice was soft , but even as she said it, she didn’t seem like she was prying. She was genuinely just there to be there if Cana needed her, and that made her heart hurt. “You don’t have to tell Juvia, but Juvia is her if you need her.”

Cana gave her a weak smile, “Thanks, Juvia… but it’s dumb.” 

“What’s dumb?” Hearing Lucy’s voice only brought more dread.  _ I bet both of them would be better daughters. They’re both pretty and strong and they don’t fade into the background like I do.  _

Juvia gently took Cana’s hand in hers, “Cana-san thinks the thing bothering her is dumb, but if it upsets Cana-san then it can’t be dumb, right Lucy-san?”

Lucy nodded and sat on Cana’s other side. “If something upsets someone then it does so for a reason. It’s impossible for it to be dumb.” She casually tossed an arm over Cana’s shoulder and she slumped into the half embrace. 

“It has to do with why I came to Fairy Tail in the first place… but I’ve never told anyone about that, and I don’t need to,” She was hoping that the words would come out strong and reassuring, but she sounded meek, like a child lying about taking more candy than they were allowed. 

“I think you do,” Lucy whispered after a few moments, “but if saying it where others can hear is too much, we can always go to my house?” She took Cana’s other hand in her own, and gently pulled her to her feet. Juvia was quick to follow, and neither one of them let go as they led her there in silence. 

“Juvia will make tea.”

“You know where the kettle is,” Lucy said as she grabbed a blanket for them all, “but not the earl grey! Natsu left it here and he’ll kill me if we drink all his tea.” It had been said as an afterthought, but the gentle way she said Natsu’s name caused Cana to make all sorts of assumptions. “I swear he’s fifty shades of stupid when he’s sleep deprived… He’s good for chasing off stalkers though.”

Cana blinked, her brain taking a moment to process the words over the negative thoughts, “Pardon?”

“One of the weirdos who lives down the street kept hitting on me, so Natsu offered to pretend to be my boyfriend,” She shrugged, as if that were a perfectly normal experience.

“That’s… bizarre. It also sounds like a fake dating turns into real dating scenario,” The last part was said with a tinge more bitterness than she’d wanted, and she cringed inwardly.  _ See, this is why no one likes you. Jealous bitch, why would Lucy give you the time of day anyways? _

Loud laughter broke through her thoughts. Lucy had a hand over her mouth and her shoulders were shaking as she tried to calm herself back down, “Cana, there’s no way.”

“Why not, Lucy-san?” Juvia interrupted softly, “Natsu-san is nice.” She had three cups of tea precariously balanced in one hand and a tin of cookies in the other. 

“Because on Team Natsu’s last mission, three things happened,” a wicked smirk carved itself across Lucy’s face as she took her mug from Juvia, “One, happy snuck into mine and Erza’s room during the early morning. Two, when we woke them up in the morning, they had to throw on their clothes so fast that they switched shirts by accident. Three, Gray’s neck looked like a vampire got ahold of him, or rather, a dragon slayer with fangs.” Both Cana and Juvia’s jaws slowly dropped as she spoke, and it made holding in her laughter even harder. “I’m not saying they fucked, but they at  _ least _ made out pretty heavily.”

“Holy shit,” Juvia muttered.

“Holy shit,” Cana echoed, and Lucy just shook her head. 

“Anyways, I spoke to him afterwards, and to put it simply, we’re both too gay for that… But that’s beside the point.” She turned back to Cana and threw the blanket around her shoulders “Spill your heart out so that we can put it back together.”

“...That’s gay,” Cana muttered.  _ I really don’t want to talk about this. I can’t let them see how useless I am. _

“Juvia thought we established that already.” she wiggled her way into the blanket and beside Cana, “Stop changing the subject Cana-san.” 

Lucy pressed against Cana’s otherside, and Cana felt her walls begin to crumble. She curled around her mug as if trying to hide, her voice was barely above a whisper as the last of her resolve fell, “Why does it matter? I’m always sad, I just fucking hide it so that I’m not the guild’s downer. It’s stupid and it doesn’t matter and-”

Lucy gently squeezed her wrist, “We care because we care about  _ you, _ Cana. You matter and your problems matter and we want to help you.”

“It’s like Cana-san told Juvia. Cana-san is nakama.” Juvia pressed closer into her side, wrapping her arms around her in a gentle embrace, and Cana couldn’t stop the tears that fell. There was a hand rubbing up and down her back as she cried, but she didn;t know whose it was as she stumbled through her reason for joining and let her negative thoughts spill past her lips. Years of self hatred and weaknesses slipped out with stuttered apologies as she chokes on her own tears, but neither one of them moved away or changed their stance throughout it. They only held her and reassured her that she was strong and brave and all the things she vehemently claimed she wasn’t. 

Eventually the words died down and she curled into them exhausted. Juvia’s hand was in her hair and Lucy’s head on her chest, and she’d never felt safer. But she also felt guilty for pushing this onto them, “I’m sorry…” 

“Don’t be, Cana-san. You needed to let it out.” She felt a small tug on her hair, but considering the look of concentration, Cana assumed Juvia was braiding it.

“Still…” she tried, but Lucy shushed her. She let herself slump the rest of the way against Juvia as she gave up trying to apologize. “When… When I’m S class I’ll tell him.”

Lucy smiled up at her, and Cana felt a different resolve begin to crumble, “Then we’ll do our best to help you get there.” 

Cana let herself return the smile, heart warm and fuzzy as she looked at them both, “Thank you…” They were worming their way into Cana’s heart, and she could do nothing to stop it.

She also didn’t want to.


End file.
